Hundreds of books have been written on the topic of weddings. Most contain the proper activities and their execution. It is interesting to note that there has been little or no consideration given as to WHY we do what we do. Before you begin planning your wedding ceremony, let the heritage of 4000 years of tradition spark your creativity and deepen your understanding. Then craft your wedding ceremony and your new life together, filling them both with rich symbolism, knowledge and purpose. Whether you are a religious person or not, look beyond the priestly or rabbinical robes to the greater meaning of the practice. The greater meanings discussed here will be positive ones, affecting you in positive ways. After all, love itself is a positive force with a power all its own. Love, in fact, is what any wedding and the following marriage is all about. Reasons Behind a Marriage So why do we marry? There are many reasons: companionship, security, love, a desire for children, a sense of belonging. Today, most marry without a thought to the historic ramifications of their actions. According to history and the Jewish tradition, a marriage is a miraculous creation of a new home which takes its place in the timeline of history. It is much like the miracle of birth, except this miracle is the synthesis of two very distinct personalities joining together in love and purpose. Marriage was first thought of as a holy obligation, a mitzvah or commandment given by God that formed a covenant between man and woman. One of our earliest records of the family structure is in Genesis where we read, "It is not good for man to be alone...," "...a man shall leave his mother and a woman her home and the two shall become one flesh..." and "be fruitful and multiply..." We also learn that the fruit of marriage is love, a sense of belonging and in most cases, the gift of children. If we are to hold to this tradition, then God himself is the authority through which the first marriage was established and conversely the reason the practice has continued.

TodayÕs Marriages In modern day society, men and women have come into a beautiful place of equal partners in the responsibilities and prosperity of the home. Tradition holds God's relationship to mankind as the pattern for man's relationship to woman. GodÑthe bridegroom and mankindÑthe bride. It is interesting to note that Godly characteristics such as provider, helper, comforter, healer, friend, peacemaker, our forgiveness, lover of our soul, and creator projected into today's family is a successful formula for the home. Most all wedding ceremonies contain beautiful symbols and activities to remind and connect us to the original mantle or authority of God. Today, not the practice of the marriage ceremony, but the life of the new home created by the marriage is at risk. Somehow the proverbial "tying the knot" has been confused with "tie a knot and hang on!" If we not only understand but embrace the symbolism found in our betrothal times and wedding ceremonies, we will see how beautifully the foundation for our new home is laid. We are all products of tradition. Your choice to marry aligns you with tradition. Enjoy your heritage and be successful as these outward symbols support your inward growthÑthe creation of your new home.

Rings The celebration of betrothal or engagement has long been the same. In most cultures, it brings as solid a commitment as the actual marriage ceremony. Years ago, engagements were announced to the public in the Banns of Marriage much like our newspaper engagement announcements today. These Banns were for practical reasons at first. The office of marriage was considered so important that giving public notice was to allow time for the citizens to report to the clergy any reason why the couple should not wed. Although not used as often today, the old "If any man should know just cause why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace" was a valid statement protecting the life of the new home. The promise of engagement was an agreement usually sealed by a gift of intent, something of value given to the bride, from which comes the engagement ring. Rings were originally used by kings to seal important documents. These rings were worn on the kings right hand index finger, considered the strongest and most prominent finger. It is interesting that in the Jewish ceremony the wedding ring is positioned on the right index finger of the bride as it is the most visible finger for the witnesses. In turn, the ring becomes the "seal" of agreement for the marriage. It is given by the groom to the bride in keeping with the groom as king and the bride as queen of the marriage. It also represents the sharing of wealth or earthly possessions, and eternal love and commitment as its circular shape is without end. Later, the wedding ring is moved to the fourth finger of the left hand where history often placed rings (thought to contain a vein leading directly to the heart). From this, the popularity of wearing wedding rings on the left hand represents the sharing of the pulse of life between the hearts of the husband and wife. The rings are no longer objects but symbols vested with intent and sanctity in the creation of a new life force... a home.

Often in the wedding ceremony when bride and groom are nervous, the wedding ring does not slip onto the finger easily. This can be unsettling to the couple. The Jewish custom of giving and receiving comes in beautifully here. The groom will give the bride her ring by placing it up to the knuckle and the bride lovingly receives the gift by bringing the ring into her hand. With this custom, the new home and its contract are not only sealed by ring given, but with the ring begins the shared giving and receiving necessary to birth and nurture a loving new home. Candlelight

The use of candlelight in the wedding ceremony has great symbolism. Historically and actually light takes away darkness. Light is pure because all dross is burned away by the flame. To be enlightened is to understand. For the religious, the flame of the candle represents a life force or soul and God who gives life is recognized as the divine light to all men. In many churches, the use of a Christ or Pascal Candle keeps the symbol of the perpetual light of God in the congregation. In ancient times the "God Candle" was never allowed to be extinguished because the light and life of God is eternal. For the above reasons, the use of candelabras in wedding ceremonies becomes very significant.

The unity candle celebration in wedding ceremonies brings the fire from the two families together into one light or life force ... symbolizing the creation of a new home. It is most beautiful when the original light for the unity candle ceremony is taken directly from the Pascal Candle to symbolize life is given from God, to the family, to the newly created home. Some churches do not allow the unity candle ceremony. If you like the idea, there is no reason why you cannot do it at your reception, perhaps just before your first dance.

The unity candle is not just a wedding day activity. Keep the candle (which is usually a very large candle that will burn for many years for short periods of time) and on your anniversary, birthdays and births of children or holidays, light it in your home to celebrate your family and the finding of one another. In this way, tradition and remembrance help keep your new home vital and alive. The Cup When the bride and groom drink from the same cup of wine, in some ceremonies called the Òcommon cupÓ, it denotes that from this time forward they will partake from the same cup of life. To Christendom it is also a remembrance of Christ's blessing upon marriage as illustrated in his first miracle at Cana where he turned the water into wine and presented it to the newlyweds. The Jewish ceremony uses a cup in the betrothal portion of the service too, but goes a step further and breaks a cup (glass) at the end of the wedding ceremony to recall the destruction of the temple and to begin the time of celebration for the wedding reception to follow. The Jewish symbolism is that the cup of life has both bitter and sweet times, but together in love, the new family will find passage through both.

The practice of Holy Communion is different from that of the "common cup" as it is centered on Christ. Using a cup (wine) and bread (Sacraments of the Eucharist) the couple invites Christ to be the center of their new home. Christ then becomes the unseen partner who goes with them through the bitter and sweet of life. Communion also models the coupleÕs first meal together and makes going to the table of the Lord the first act of their marriage. Communion may be done with just the couple or the guests may share in the coupleÕs first meal. Each officiant will set the rules. If you choose not to do communion, perhaps just drinking from the cup together will be special to you. There are many more symbols in our ceremonies that are worthy of discussion. Look for a continuance of this article in future editions of Wedding & Reception Services Magazine.

Melody Long Anglin is a renowned harpist, vocalist, workshop coordinator and private instructor. She is also a liturgist available for wedding consultation and coordination. For more information, please call or toll free or email Anglinhous