You have found the love of a lifetime, but is love enough? I have heard Dr. James C. Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family and one of AmericaÕs leading authorities on the family, make reference to a California couple who rewrote their wedding vows and intents to say: ÒI promise to be true to you and this union, as long as our love shall last.Ó He goes on to say that this is a dangerous vow as the love that is felt during the dating, engagement and newlywed period is very different from the love that grows during the marriage. The proverbial Òhoneymoon is overÓ settles into all relationships. We need to understand, it is not so much the ÒfeelingÓ of love that keeps couples together but the decision to love. When the decision to love stays intact, a couple can weather any storm and find a rainbow at its end. Long storms in life fool us into thinking the storm is our reality, but storms are not reality. Storms encompass realities, but when weathered to the end, storms bring about growth and changeÉ what life is all about.

So what do we hold on to during lifeÕs storms? What should we expect of ourselves and others? Does tradition give us any support for a successful marriage? Yes, it does. Tradition gives structure and definition to the Bride and GroomÕs commitment to each other and to the outside support of family and friends. The exploration of tradition invites us to hold to our commitments in a richer perspective. Let us look at the roles of todayÕs wedding witnesses which will include the family, minister, Best Man, Maid of Honor and friends to the couple, and how their support enriches the commitment of the couple.

Witnesses In original weddings (BCE), there was no need for clergy, just witnesses to the exchange of a gift (ring or coins) meaning the acceptance of the betrothal and marriage respectively. Today the witnesses are still a very important aspect of the wedding. The roles of witnesses are commonly known as the Best Man and Maid of Honor. These witnessesÕ legal signatures go on the state marriage license that signifies a contract, covenant or promise has been made by man and woman to become one flesh and create a Ònew homeÓ.

When Bride and Groom choose their Best Man and Maid of Honor, the choice should be a person who will not only support them on the day of their wedding, but for the lifetime of their marriage! The presence of the wedding party, family and friends at the wedding ceremony denotes their support of the couplesÕ union and purpose to create a Ònew homeÓ. It is nice when the officiant asks family and friends who are present at the wedding ceremony to take their own vow to ÒupholdÓ the couple in their Ònew homeÓ. We will see how this sentiment is inserted into todayÕs wedding ceremonies.

Declaration of Intent In this portion of present day ceremonies, the Bride and Groom state their purpose by answering an affirmative ÒI doÓ to the questions, ÒDo you take this woman/man to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to live together in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others keeping only unto her so long as you both shall live?Ó Indeed that does cover a great deal of intent.

Declaration of Consent In the present day wedding, if the couple is of age, it is not necessary to have parental consent for the marriage. It is, however, an intricate and historical part of the service to have parental blessings and the Bride given away. The tradition of consent on the marriage is as old as the day when weddings were not for love, but were arranged for social and economic reasons. This tradition is called today the ÒDeclaration of ConsentÓ. Here the officiant addresses the family member or Òsignificant otherÓ who is giving the Bride away. The officiant will ask, ÒWho gives this woman to be married to this man?Ó The one giving the Bride away will answer ÒHer mother and IÓ (if the father is speaking) or ÒHer family and IÓ or just ÒI doÓ. This statement becomes their ÒDeclaration of ConsentÓ. After the intentions and consents are stated the officiant may look to the rest of the guests to ask them, ÒWill you, family and friends present today, do all that you can to uphold this couple as they embark on their Ônew lifeÕ together, meeting them in friendship and love through happiness or sorrow and encouraging the growth of their Ônew homeÕ? If so, please answer ÔWe will.Õ Ó Talk about a support system.

In smaller weddings, I have witnessed all the guests holding hands; encircling the couple, and together reciting a promise to uphold the couple. If you like the idea, ask your officiant to include support vows for family and friends. It can be done in an intimate wedding as well as a formal one. By understanding the importance of your own intent, witnesses and consents it becomes clear that the marriage is not only for two, but encompasses the acceptance of family and friends.

Support for the couple in marriage comes from their own love and commitment to each other, and from their individual family members and friends. This is not to be confused with the question ÒIf any man can show just cause why these two may not lawfully be joined together in Holy matrimony, let him now speak or forever hold his peace.Ó That question comes from the tradition of the ÒBanns of MarriageÓ and, when left in the ceremony, has power to re-enforce the coupleÕs support system, especially when the question is not challenged. This question usually comes early in the ceremony to assure the guests have come in one accord to support the coupleÕs decision to marry.

Minister Choosing a minister for your wedding is an important decision. It is nice when the minister has watched the couple, or one of the two, grow to adulthood. Even if this is the case, you will probably still be asked to go through some pre-marital counseling. Do not shy away from this. It is important for you to feel free with each other as husband and wife-to-be and feel free with your minister. Freedom will enhance your exploration of the wedding ceremony and the journey you are about to take. This same minister may later be your life-line for good, solid support during the life of the marriage. Couples not affiliated with a church will often marry and never have any further contact with their officiant, beyond his signature on the marriage license. This is why it is good to know where the rest of your support system lies.

Love So we have a network of support for our Ònew homeÓ, but what then holds all this together? Unconditional love. The kind of love that is not always felt, but is to stay beside someone. The biblical definition of unconditional love is found in I Corinthians 13 (paraphrased here) ÒLove is patient, kind, bearing, enduring, and believing all things. Love keeps no record of wrong, is not puffed up and rejoices over the truth.Ó We can translate that to mean entering marriage fresh with no grudges of wrong. The marriage becomes a personal Yom Kippur, or a moment of total forgiveness, repentance (a change of direction), and acceptance of each other. The couple then departs the service in one accord and in one purpose of heartÑthe loving establishment of a Ònew homeÓ. In this loving, new start the Bride and Groom are free to write their story as they choose. Family and friends are also a part of this process. Their love for the couple binds them in loving consent of the union. A consent that gives a part of the faith, hope and love needed to nurture the Ònew homeÓ.

ÒLove is patient, kind, bearing, enduring, and believing all things. Love keeps no record of wrong, is not puffed up and rejoices over the truth.Ó

When Bride and Groom say their vows, they are forgetting the past and accepting from that moment on that the future will be as they have intended. To be able to vow that you take the other Òto have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to GodÕs holy ordinance; and there to pledgeÓ your faith, is no small step and gives no room for anything but total love, acceptance and forgiveness of each other.

I have heard many ministers include the vows ÒI will uphold you in all of your dreams and do everything in my power to bring your life into fulfillment, even as I would my own life, hopes and dreams.Ó

The creation of a Ònew homeÓ is as mysterious and powerful as the birth of a baby. Each birth requiring love as its primary foundation and a commitment to continue loving as its basis for a happy and prosperous life. To come to this place is not to have secrets from each other, but to have an understanding of where you have been and where you intend to go. If you are not able in truth to make these vows to one another then by all means, do not make them. If you are able this day to make those vows to each other then, by all means, remember what gave you that ability. It was not passion, position or economics but complete and utter dedication to a love filled with Godly characteristics that made you want to become a provider, helper, comforter, healer, friend, peacemaker, forgiver, lover of spirit and soul, and co-creator within the new life of your Ònew homeÓ. These good characteristics are embodied in true love and create the formula for a successful home.