Although a choice of vow styles is now the trend, most brides and grooms do not fully realize they have the opportunity to create their very own perfectly crafted wedding ceremony. One which reflects not only their faith, but also their cultural background and special family needs. To keep it simple, many couples will just go with what the minister or officiant says is usually done.

Keeping your officiant comfortable is a must, but so is crafting your once-in-a-lifetime wedding. Therefore, when asking for a variation on a theme, you will be better received if you have good, solid ideas.

This article provides you with scripts and activities. They are in a form that allows an officiant to easily add them to his usual ceremony. Where you find script ideas, I have used the name Angela for the bride and Jonathan for the groom. You would, of course, insert your name. If you are not a candidate for all of these activities you may still find your own inspiration in the decorative creativity and the history.

Interfaith: Protestant and Jewish

Interfaith weddings between Protestant and Jewish couples often desire ways to honor the Jewish heritage within that ceremony. If the incorporation of a huppah is used, the appearance of the Jewish influence can be satisfied. If there is no structural huppah pre-set before the ceremony, honored friends can bring a prayer cloth forward suspended on four decorative poles to serve as a huppah. They then hold the cloth or huppah over the couple for the ceremony. The ceremony concept that follows choreographs a more complete Jewish ending for those who want to go beyond the presence of a huppah. After the standard ceremony portion of vows and rings, this ceremony is easily inserted into any standard wedding ceremony.

The officiant may add: ÒThis ceremony includes some of the traditions of AngelaÕs Jewish Faith, because she wishes to honor her heritage. A heritage which was richly passed on to her by her parents.Ó

ÒYou may have noticed the beautiful family huppah under which we stand tonight (or, that has just been brought forward). Traditionally, the huppah represents GodÕs sheltering love and the establishment of a new home. The symbolism is taken from the tent dwelling days in the time of Moses. It is believed that the Glory of God hovers above the huppah and sanctifies the marriage taking place within its covering. It is with that thought that I now pronounce the seven marriage blessings (another Jewish tradition) over the couple under huppah. Shall we pray.Ó

ÒBlessed are you, God of Time and Space, who has allowed us to share life through huppah and marriage.

Praised are you God, who sanctifies your people Israel through the covenant of marriage.

Blessed is the fruit of your vine.

Blessed is the creation of your universe.

Blessed is the creation of the individual.

Blessed is the creation of man and woman who reflect the creativity of the divine through marriage and family.

Blessed be these rejoicing friends and family who are here to witness the creation of this new home for Jonathan and Angela. Amen.Ó

More fluoride versions can be found in ÒThe New Jewish WeddingÓ by Anita Diamant.

There are two cups in an authentic Jewish ceremony but the interfaith ceremonies allow very nicely for the final cup. The officiant then takes the cup partially filled with wine or juice and says: ÒThis cup symbolizes the Cup of Life that Jonathan and Angela will share together. As husband and wife they will experience good and bad, sorrow and joyÑbut always in all they experience, may they do so dwelling in GodÕs protection and love under huppah.Ó They each drink from a single cup/goblet. Each helping to hold the cup for the other to drink or just giving it over gently. Then the groom finishes the cup and wraps it in white linen to be smashed.

The officiant continues: ÒWhen the groom smashes the cup we invite the family and guests to shout ÔMazal Tov,Õ which means Ôgood luckÕ. The smashing of the cup symbolizes the end of the old accompanied by shouts of joy breaking into the newÑa temperate reminder that life carries change. The noise is to scare away any misfortune so that the couple may leave the ceremony free from fears, equipped for life, and full of celebration.Ó The cup is placed on the floor and broken swiftly with the right foot. If the groom does not use the same cup as was used to drink, then the minister should have another wrapped and prepared for use. In most cases, a light bulb is wrapped simply because it creates more noise when smashed and it breaks easily. The real cup is kept as a family heirloom. The officiant continues: ÒAnd now ladies and gentleman it is my privilege to introduce to you the new Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Jacobson.Ó The ceremony has ended. The recession begins. After the bridal party, the hand-held huppah is the last to leave.

Most Jewish Temples have a huppah that they use for wedding ceremonies. Brides and grooms of interfaith ceremonies do not marry in a Temple and usually do not use a Rabbi unless a liberal is found. Most often, they have to find their own huppah. Larger cities may rent huppahs at rental or bridal marts. If you canÕt find one, here are some creative suggestions: For the cloth portion, it has already been mentioned to use the tallit or prayer cloth. If one is not available, making your own huppah is possible. The material used is usually silk, satin or velvet with fringes. It can be embroidered (some have the seven blessings embroidered on them), silk-screened, woven, appliquŽd, usually fringed, tasseled, etc. It is your time for self-expression.

Parents may give a gift of a huppah that is also a beautifully crafted bed-throw or it may be used as a canopy for the bridal bed. Others will later display it as a tapestry for the bedroom wall. Using the huppah to decorate the master suite is taken from the Jewish nomad days. The groom would take the bride into his tent to consummate the marriageÑbuilding home and family. The gift of a huppah that is later used for the bridal chamber then becomes a wonderful family heirloom.

Hanging a huppah over the wedding ceremony area can be a simple matter with the use of ceiling hooks, ribbons, ornately carved poles or bamboo poles. These poles may be securely anchored or held by honored family or friends. To make the center of the huppah, lift up toward the ceiling (consider fishing line looped through an eyelet sewn into the huppah for the day and remove the eyelets for heirloom use.) Fishing line can make the huppah appear to float. Or you may rent lightweight, classical white columns and place them under each of the suspended corners to give the appearance of support. The fringed sides look beautiful hanging down over the columns. Always try your arrangement first. Be creative. Even colorful helium balloons can be used to support the huppah. In a military wedding, rifles may be used as supports. Medium gage white PVC pipe can make a cubical frame that is weighted in corners with cemented pots. Billowing fabric will soften the frame sides. Place the actual prayer cloth or heirloom huppah over the top, also supported by PVC roof cross beams softened in fabric. Some bridal rental marts carry deeper, white cast iron arches that allow a cloth to be woven through them creating a small enclosed canopy look. Only the bride and groom can stand under this arch turned huppah. (Not to be confused with the Protestant floral arch which may be a descendant of the huppah, but is not a huppah because no canopy is made.) All styles can be enhanced with ribbons, flowers, golden cords or pearls. For all the symbolism and heirloom quality they contain, everyone should enjoy creating and owning their own huppah and family heirloom.

African-American Heritage

Many African-American couples are using their wedding as a time to celebrate their heritage by having a traditional African ceremony. One of the most simple and fun reenactments of the African wedding traditions is Jumping the Broom.

The broom can be beautifully decorated and may be placed at the front of the aisle before the ceremony or at the close. My preference is to place the broom in position at the close of the service making it more of a statement and part of the service. After the standard wedding ceremony and before the introduction of the couple, the officiant can comfortably insert this colorful, choreographed exit.

ÒAfter making their vows before God and in your loving witness, they choose to jump the broomÑhonoring their heritage and acknowledging their choice to change from single individuals into a cooperative family.Ó

The officiant says: ÒThe tradition of Jumping the Broom is from the African Heritage. It symbolizes the couplesÕ entrance into a new life together through the creation of a new homeÑcrossing a bridge of life, if you will.Ó The tradition was brought to America by slaves and it held great spiritual significance, since it was often the only wedding ceremony allowed by slaveholders. ÒCouples would literally jump over the broom and land in the seat of matrimony.Ó (Jumping the Broom, by Harriette Cole)

Placing the broom at the aisle, the officiant continues: ÒToday, Jonathan and Angela have placed a broom here at their aisle. After making their vows before God and in your loving witness, they choose to jump the broomÑhonoring their heritage and acknowledging their choice to change from single individuals into a cooperative family. When they land on the other side of this broom, todayÕs statement of commitment they make before you and to each other will be complete. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to announce and to witness the birth of the new Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Jacobson.Ó (They jump the broom. Applause. Recessional.)

Honoring Missing Family

I have performed at many weddings where families have experienced the recent loss of a mother, father, brother, or sister. Many brides and grooms want to recognize the influence of the departed on their lives. There are many ways to do this within the ceremony. Some are very subtle; others more Depending on the relationship to the bride or groom, you should choose the memorial inclusion that best suits you and your family. It can be as simple as placing a text of remembrance in the printed program. One such memorial might say: ÒIn memory of my loving mother Melody Angela Darling (Born: April 7, 1947, Died: July 21, 2000) without whom I would not be the woman you see today. Thank you Mom for your love to me.Ó Another idea is to use a large portrait of the loved one in the foyer of the church. Some may include red roses at the portrait or a single red rose. I do not recommend putting the portrait in the wedding ceremony area.

Others will include the departed in the Prayers of the Faithful. Still others will use an empty chair in the sanctuary or wedding area and place a rose on the chair prior to the service.

Recently a local pastor and I used the empty chair memorial. The chair was reserved with ribbon, then we made a lovely activity inside the ceremony. The pastor had written a short memorial for the ceremony. In it he stated the familyÕs belief that the mother, though departed from us, was present in spirit and love. He continued to say that the motherÕs love and memory would be forever alive in the heart of Angela. To punctuate this, Angela took a red rose down and set it on the empty seat, poetically acknowledging the loving presence of the motherÕs spirit. A short musical dedication was sung as the bride did this. The song reflected words of love and a belief in guardian angels. The song title was ÒTrue LoveÓ. Surely if parents are our guardian angels, this let her mother know her love was recognized both in this life and in its eternal form. Total time was only two minutes. After this, Angela and Jonathan began their vows.

At times there will be a family member who has not passed away, but who is hospitalized and cannot make the wedding. Instead of canceling the ceremony, one bride and groom arranged for the father of the bride (who was the one hospitalized in this case) to be called on a cell phone from the church. After the bridal party was in the church, the minister explained to the guests what was going to happen. From his hospital bed, this father was able to give away his daughter by answering ÒWho gives this woman to be married to this man?Ó The couple then left the cell phone on during the wedding and the father was able to listen to the vows. The minister and the bride and groom passed the phone to each other as they spoke. It was done very well, no different from leaning a microphone to the person who should speak next. The bedridden father probably heard the ceremony better than the guests that were present, although they heard just what they should have heard.

At the end of the wedding ceremony, the bride spoke to her father once again. I recall her asking him, ÒDid you hear that Daddy? IÕm married.Ó We all looked on with anticipation and lumps in our throats as she tenderly said to us, ÒHe heard it all. He is in tears.Ó Turning once again to her father she said, ÒI love you Daddy and IÕll call you later.Ó Then off they went down the aisle, with guests clapping and music playing. (Hint: If you do this, please be sure to verify the quality of the cell phoneÕs signal from your location to wherever you will be calling before you try it.)

I am convinced that well crafted wedding ceremonies should have many heritage-rich symbols and personal touches within them. There are so many creative ideas to choose from and one can hardly cover the scope in a single article. If you have a liturgical need and donÕt seem to know how, or if it can fit into your ceremony, donÕt be afraid to ask for help and create ideas on your own. A good liturgy consultation usually does the trick. Be sure you are working with someone who understands many different wedding formats and faiths so everything will be well said and properly placed. Best wishes to you!

Melody Long Anglin is a renowned harpist, vocalist, workshop coordinator and private instructor. She is also a liturgist available for wedding consultation and coordination. For more information, please call or toll free or email Anglinhous